Blood Thicker Than Water

No matter how hard I try to reconcile my feelings concerning my biological Genesis, I always revert back to the skin which embraced my tiny infant body. The hands which held my tiny hands and kissed my "boo-boos," and spanked my little hands were the same hands which applied butter to skin burns and braided my "head full of hair." The lips I watched and the eyes I stared into while sucking a delicious bottle are faint, yet I know they existed because those same eyes I beheld with love and respect and sometimes disgust never ceased to amaze and terrify the very core of my being.

My relationship with the Mother, God appointed was difficult at times. Yet, we always seemed to come to some type of truce eventually. I write about my mother, not as a memorial of sorts, but to share the difficulties some adopted children face decades after the "nonbiological reveal." My circumstances may differ from others. I was "adopted," or "raised," by a beautiful couple who took on the responsibility of raising a strangers child without a clue of the woman's name, so I'm told, or health information, biological extended family...literally no legal information. I was delivered by a midwife in a house since torn down in the Washington Shores area. I was born during a time when "raising," children void of adoption agencies was, well typical.

The old adage; "you never know what you're raising," is as surreal for a biological parent as it is for parents raising non-biological children. The most important aspect of adopting children through agencies or foster programs is giving the child the option to meet their biological parent(s) if the adoption is open, and more importantly, any health anomalies which may be passed on, and possibly detected early. When this information is remiss the "new patient," application becomes tedious and depressing at times. However, I press on with hope and faith in God. My prayer is that God will allow me the mind to maintain a strict healthy lifestyle. This may sound obvious, yet when you don't know if cancer, or high cholesterol, diabetes or any number of hereditary disease runs in your immediate bloodline, in your middle ages, trust me on this; YOU LEARN TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY.

All and all my mother tried and succeeded in raising a well-mannered lady. There were bouts of rebellion due to misunderstandings and growing pains. There were horrible binges of accusations which created teenage depression and mental anguish. The worst of clashes are difficult to fathom decades later. Yet the wonderful gift of forgiveness allowed me to heal in some areas, and continue to process the mental and emotional healing in other areas.

The prologue of a possible "tell all," may be in the near future. There's so much information to share and so many children who may find solace in confronting the why's and who's with an open mind, and a willing heart. Pain is as real as the cause. My prayer is that I will continue to build upon the victories and lessons learned from the mistakes I still make. I may never experience a "biological reveal," but I praise God for blessing my life with a husband who not only understands but also fills so many voids. Though I was unable to deliver my baby, I was able to deliver physical love and care for many children in my walk of life thus far.

I'm sure there are millions of children who face the same dilemma I face every day. I just pray their pain becomes tolerable and promotes strength to love unlimited. Blessedly, the blood shed on Calvary for us all, who choose to believe in Christ Jesus, became a greater spiritual bloodline than mankind can ever create.

May Will 9/17