First Dates

Pretty much like the first day of school, nervousness, anticipation, and butterflies take the lead as soon as your parents drive or walk away, your first dating experience could set a lasting precedent for future dates. Or not. You may be fortunate enough to snag a "keeper," after the first date. There aren't many guarantees when you retire the platonic mode and decide to pursue intimate potentials. Do you go with the flow, or should you follow a preplanned itinerary for the evening or maintain a dating checklist? Most dating rituals vary. Some allow kissing after the first date, some won't allow holding hands, until after the wedding nuptials!
Personally, I would prefer single women of any age, whether divorced or never married set mental ground rules before accepting an invitation to dinner, which is the usual protocol. A movie is usually a bad idea until you feel 100% comfortable with a potential beau. Mind you this particular blog caters to women...so ladies let's consider the following advice article with an open mind and let the record show this article is my personal opinion.

So, how do we mentally prepare for the world of dating? Well, consider what your expectations are when it concerns getting to know a man which hopefully you have platonic knowledge of or some degree of familiarity. Be it, through a friend or social circle, or maybe you were raised in the same neighborhood. Either way, it's best not to accept invitations from "complete strangers." Anyway, we as women should totally discard the "knight in shining armor," fantasy, or this happily-ever-after childhood mindset. Primarily, a wise woman will never experiment with her feelings while pursuing the world of dating. Mentally, she is prepared to only pursue what stimulates her mental and emotional expectations. I love to laugh, so naturally, I expected my potential mate to have a sense of humor to my liking. Are you stimulated by intellectual banter? Or just general conversations about the weather, politics, religion or world affairs. What will win favor with you on the first date? Would you prefer to learn past infraction as time goes on, or would you prefer to know if there are any pending legal matters before you even consider the first date? Does denominational preference matter? What if he has children? What are your age preferences?

In my opinion, some women tend to build a house without considering the labor cost, or the building materials. Any construction which requires minimal attention to detail won't last. The first storm; there may be irreplaceable damage or the mental cost to rebuild is not worth the effort. If you aren't seeking a long-term commitment, then it's wise to keep your dating mindset in platonic mode. Until you are mentally and more importantly spiritually ready to compromise your die-hard habits...well, you may not be dating certified yet.

Next, don't ever settle for a date you aren't 100% comfortable in accepting. Blind dates are the worst of ideas, in my opinion. At least you need a pic or image of who you're spending the next hour or so with. As a matter of fact, a nice couple or few phone calls usually break the ice, if nothing else. As women, we have the right to ask questions or guide the "interview." We have the right to control what information we are willing to share. Generally, a man wants or needs to impress a woman with his qualifications, not the other way around. Too many times our need to feel wanted overrules the basic requirements for a gentleman to win favor with us.

Thirdly and possibly finally let's consider mental and emotional baggage we foolishly, or inadvertently take to the first date as the "third wheel." It's imperative that you don't compare your former beau with a potential beau, or dating partner. Especially if your former relationship was violent, overrun with promiscuity outside of the relationship, or the coparenting coping skills are less than amicable or honorable. Ladies, if you haven't completely healed to the point of forgiveness of a former mate, then please don't waste your precious time or the time of a possible great guy. You have the right to heal and step out of your zone of complacency and date. However, you should limit your first dates to a minimum. After all, you're the proverbial fish to be caught not the shark on the hunt.

May Will 9/17

May Will (Author): Lessons Not Worth Learning

May Will (Author): Lessons Not Worth Learning: Many are the lessons we all will encounter in this drama called life. Many are the disappointments, victories, heartbreaks, loss of loved on...

Lessons Not Worth Learning

Many are the lessons we all will encounter in this drama called life. Many are the disappointments, victories, heartbreaks, loss of loved ones, broken promises, deals, lies, truths...people stuff! My mind reverts back to a time when adolescence was blooming and daring. The worst of lessons a youth shouldn't but probably will encounter are the demons of sex and profanity. Every tenuous line of advice or promise made by the opposite sex, or in today's society, the same sex usually equivocates the consequences associated with pregnancy or worse; social diseases which are more deadly now than ever. Profanity is just that, a perversion of the human language. I can honestly relate to how anger is usually non-threatening if profanity is remiss. However, your point is best delivered when one excludes profanity or demeaning connotations.

Even religion has misdirected many hearts away from faith-based organizations due to the constant inferences of buying one's way into the pearly gates or to be counted as a "good Christian-protestant if you pay according to man's interpretation of tithing to the organization. Not only has the institution adulterated the very essence of giving in the name of love and all that is godly and decent, but the fees attached to becoming a member of a said denomination is costly! Don't expect the assistance of certain church auxiliaries if your dues aren't paid in full, or delinquent. The lessons some have learned according to "Profit Dr. Preacher Black," is heartbreaking! If you sow one hundred dollars into their pocket, you will reap ZILCH! However, if you give according to your heart's conviction, not your pocket's worth, then I believe God does honor sacrifice and a cheerful giver.

Remember the throwback sitcom; "Love and Marriage?" There was so much hilarity to the show's dialogue that it was really hard not to laugh at the husband's reasoning. Though every dilemma he encountered was due to his one-track mind, he never "got it!" So is the life of the skeptic, or the unrelenting "free spirit." The skeptic's mantra is calculated and pessimistic, while the free-thinker is lawless and care-free.

We don't have the luxury of learning lessons we should've have mastered in our youth when we are middle-aged. There are some lessons no life which serve no worthy purpose whatsoever. Smoking crack, or lighting a cigarette while pumping gas, or beating your children because you're angry, shoplifting as a profession, or exuding a character around children which leads to lawlessness is worth absolutely nothing worthy of bragging rights. If the truth be told, we have a society which doesn't mind exposing their secrets openly and that in itself should give us all a peep into ignorance and avoid the embarrassment at every cost. Society has ingeniously discarded every moral ingredient of wholesomeness. It actually takes a pandemic hardship to provoke humanity to help humanity. Where is the lesson?

The Bible teaches our household that every good and perfect gift; love, forgiveness, and honesty, which comes from the Father of Lights, not the Father of Lies is a matter of searching for the God of truth and eternal life! A God which is Spirit. A God who thought it not robbery to manifest His son in the guise of human flesh, to show humanity that this earthly pilgrimage is temporal, and we have a life beyond this pain and suffering. Without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, a life of learning lessons which only reward eternal damnation, or nothingness isn't worth learning. Learn Christ and watch life reveal its true self.

May Will 9/17

May Will (Author): Blood Thicker Than Water

May Will (Author): Blood Thicker Than Water: No matter how hard I try to reconcile my feelings concerning my biological Genesis, I always revert back to the skin which embraced my tiny ...

Blood Thicker Than Water

No matter how hard I try to reconcile my feelings concerning my biological Genesis, I always revert back to the skin which embraced my tiny infant body. The hands which held my tiny hands and kissed my "boo-boos," and spanked my little hands were the same hands which applied butter to skin burns and braided my "head full of hair." The lips I watched and the eyes I stared into while sucking a delicious bottle are faint, yet I know they existed because those same eyes I beheld with love and respect and sometimes disgust never ceased to amaze and terrify the very core of my being.

My relationship with the Mother, God appointed was difficult at times. Yet, we always seemed to come to some type of truce eventually. I write about my mother, not as a memorial of sorts, but to share the difficulties some adopted children face decades after the "nonbiological reveal." My circumstances may differ from others. I was "adopted," or "raised," by a beautiful couple who took on the responsibility of raising a strangers child without a clue of the woman's name, so I'm told, or health information, biological extended family...literally no legal information. I was delivered by a midwife in a house since torn down in the Washington Shores area. I was born during a time when "raising," children void of adoption agencies was, well typical.

The old adage; "you never know what you're raising," is as surreal for a biological parent as it is for parents raising non-biological children. The most important aspect of adopting children through agencies or foster programs is giving the child the option to meet their biological parent(s) if the adoption is open, and more importantly, any health anomalies which may be passed on, and possibly detected early. When this information is remiss the "new patient," application becomes tedious and depressing at times. However, I press on with hope and faith in God. My prayer is that God will allow me the mind to maintain a strict healthy lifestyle. This may sound obvious, yet when you don't know if cancer, or high cholesterol, diabetes or any number of hereditary disease runs in your immediate bloodline, in your middle ages, trust me on this; YOU LEARN TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY.

All and all my mother tried and succeeded in raising a well-mannered lady. There were bouts of rebellion due to misunderstandings and growing pains. There were horrible binges of accusations which created teenage depression and mental anguish. The worst of clashes are difficult to fathom decades later. Yet the wonderful gift of forgiveness allowed me to heal in some areas, and continue to process the mental and emotional healing in other areas.

The prologue of a possible "tell all," may be in the near future. There's so much information to share and so many children who may find solace in confronting the why's and who's with an open mind, and a willing heart. Pain is as real as the cause. My prayer is that I will continue to build upon the victories and lessons learned from the mistakes I still make. I may never experience a "biological reveal," but I praise God for blessing my life with a husband who not only understands but also fills so many voids. Though I was unable to deliver my baby, I was able to deliver physical love and care for many children in my walk of life thus far.

I'm sure there are millions of children who face the same dilemma I face every day. I just pray their pain becomes tolerable and promotes strength to love unlimited. Blessedly, the blood shed on Calvary for us all, who choose to believe in Christ Jesus, became a greater spiritual bloodline than mankind can ever create.

May Will 9/17

Changes

Change should always include prayer. Whether you're changing your place of residence or changing a tire, prayer has a way of challenging us to think rationally before we act. As adults, even as Christian adults we tend to "take matters into our hands," without a second thought, especially if it concerns our children, our legal rights, or personal space. God forbid we are challenged physically. Well, outside of protecting one's self, we become "action-Jackson" without a second thought of the consequences. I believe the Word's admonishment of "turning the other cheek," has a merit of not falling into the mindset of avenging evil with evil. Protect yourself, however just don't go overboard with retaliation. 

Change in mental, emotional and spiritual areas of our being is extremely overwhelming. Ask the chronic smoker of tobacco or the alcoholic. According to scientific research; "Neural pathways are like superhighways of nerve cells that transmit messages. You travel over the superhighway many times, and the pathway becomes more and more solid." However, we have the ability to create new and positive pathways which will eventually supersede those destructive pathways. With consistent assertion and prayer, anything is possible. Enter; 2 Cor. 5:17 "17Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come! "

Change doesn't happen overnight, even when we willfully dedicate our lives to Christ Jesus, there has to be a period of instruction, meditation, practical application and nurturing. And this takes a lifetime of modifications. Every day offers a new set of day to day adjustments to new devils and new levels. There is hope for tomorrow though if we are determined to make the best of today. Expect the unexpected and stay informed on a changing world void of morals. We, who are dedicated to welcoming our change from mortality to immortality know that this daily change is only temporary. 
Change is good when you're in Christ. 

Philippians 4:13New King James Version (NKJV) 13 I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.

May Will 9/2017