First Dates

Pretty much like the first day of school, nervousness, anticipation, and butterflies take the lead as soon as your parents drive or walk away, your first dating experience could set a lasting precedent for future dates. Or not. You may be fortunate enough to snag a "keeper," after the first date. There aren't many guarantees when you retire the platonic mode and decide to pursue intimate potentials. Do you go with the flow, or should you follow a preplanned itinerary for the evening or maintain a dating checklist? Most dating rituals vary. Some allow kissing after the first date, some won't allow holding hands, until after the wedding nuptials!
Personally, I would prefer single women of any age, whether divorced or never married set mental ground rules before accepting an invitation to dinner, which is the usual protocol. A movie is usually a bad idea until you feel 100% comfortable with a potential beau. Mind you this particular blog caters to women...so ladies let's consider the following advice article with an open mind and let the record show this article is my personal opinion.

So, how do we mentally prepare for the world of dating? Well, consider what your expectations are when it concerns getting to know a man which hopefully you have platonic knowledge of or some degree of familiarity. Be it, through a friend or social circle, or maybe you were raised in the same neighborhood. Either way, it's best not to accept invitations from "complete strangers." Anyway, we as women should totally discard the "knight in shining armor," fantasy, or this happily-ever-after childhood mindset. Primarily, a wise woman will never experiment with her feelings while pursuing the world of dating. Mentally, she is prepared to only pursue what stimulates her mental and emotional expectations. I love to laugh, so naturally, I expected my potential mate to have a sense of humor to my liking. Are you stimulated by intellectual banter? Or just general conversations about the weather, politics, religion or world affairs. What will win favor with you on the first date? Would you prefer to learn past infraction as time goes on, or would you prefer to know if there are any pending legal matters before you even consider the first date? Does denominational preference matter? What if he has children? What are your age preferences?

In my opinion, some women tend to build a house without considering the labor cost, or the building materials. Any construction which requires minimal attention to detail won't last. The first storm; there may be irreplaceable damage or the mental cost to rebuild is not worth the effort. If you aren't seeking a long-term commitment, then it's wise to keep your dating mindset in platonic mode. Until you are mentally and more importantly spiritually ready to compromise your die-hard habits...well, you may not be dating certified yet.

Next, don't ever settle for a date you aren't 100% comfortable in accepting. Blind dates are the worst of ideas, in my opinion. At least you need a pic or image of who you're spending the next hour or so with. As a matter of fact, a nice couple or few phone calls usually break the ice, if nothing else. As women, we have the right to ask questions or guide the "interview." We have the right to control what information we are willing to share. Generally, a man wants or needs to impress a woman with his qualifications, not the other way around. Too many times our need to feel wanted overrules the basic requirements for a gentleman to win favor with us.

Thirdly and possibly finally let's consider mental and emotional baggage we foolishly, or inadvertently take to the first date as the "third wheel." It's imperative that you don't compare your former beau with a potential beau, or dating partner. Especially if your former relationship was violent, overrun with promiscuity outside of the relationship, or the coparenting coping skills are less than amicable or honorable. Ladies, if you haven't completely healed to the point of forgiveness of a former mate, then please don't waste your precious time or the time of a possible great guy. You have the right to heal and step out of your zone of complacency and date. However, you should limit your first dates to a minimum. After all, you're the proverbial fish to be caught not the shark on the hunt.

May Will 9/17